Something for the weekend, sir?
Male grooming never had it so good. We went undercover to find the best a man can get.
Men. Not what they used to be, that’s for sure. But despite the repeated modern call that back in ‘the day’ there was none of this metro nonsense, male grooming is as old as the species. What’s On felt it was only fair to test drive the best and most interesting male grooming haunts in Dubai seeking the perfect antidote to our hairy faces, shoddy hairdos, bitten nails, manky feet, vulcanised muscles and weary minds. Girls, take a break from stubble in the basin and toenails in the bath. Boys, prepare to be spoilt rotten. From a close shave in Satwa to the city’s most luxurious men’s salons, we stood in the firing line and risked emasculation to bring you this special report.
Satwa salons
What’s On started at Satwa roundabout and checked out all the barbershops on Al Diyafa Street. Here’s a few of the best...
Miami Saloon
Tel: (04) 3985057
Haircut: Dhs15 Shave: Dhs15
Clearly, at these prices, they haven’t been able to afford a spanky new three-piece suite, but the furniture in this dungeonesque parlour is beyond shabby. It does have its charms, though, from the saloon doors (finally an excuse for that spelling) to the Hoff-a-like poster model. Go for the Dhs50 facial in a special room out the back.
Fame Gents Salloon
Tel: (04) 3987860
Haircut: Dhs25 Shave: Dhs10
Painted in a rather lurid shade of purple, this ‘salloon’ clearly caters for the ’70s throwbacks among us. It’s a soothing tonic from the clinical white ceramics of most barbershops, even if it is a bit tatty around the edges. We say this is the place to get your fur funked when you’re coming down with disco fever. And they’ll colour it for Dhs50.
New Waves
Tel: (04) 3986774
Haircut: Dhs60 Shave: Dhs25
At more than double the price of its closest rival in the vicinity, New Waves is making something of a statement, but can it justify the hike? It’s a clean-cut affair in dark wood and cream, but the main reason to come will be the quality of the products – not so much of a consideration for its cheaper competition – and knowledgable Syrian barbers.
Zaharat Al Satwa Saloon
Tel: (04) 3987994
Haircut: Dhs20 Shave: Dhs10
From the red leather and chrome Belmont chairs to the cheap, thick varnish on every wooden surface, Zaharat is the archetypal barbershop. As soon as he walks in the door, the gentleman can expect to feel totally at ease in a universally appealing environment, albeit without the Pirelli calendars. Our advice: take a copy of the London Times and a corncob pipe.
Diva Gents Salon
Tel: (04) 3988656
Haircut: Dhs25 Shave: Dhs15
A top choice in the What’s On camp, though despite some eight puffy leather chairs, expect a long wait in the evenings and at weekends. The reason? A huge relaxing and airy interior, friendly barbers and a tidy short back and sides that any mother would approve. At the risk of a cheap pun, you’ll get it for a snip, too. Massage and waxing options are carried out in an adjacent section.
Hollywood Stars
Gents Salon
Tel: (04) 3987073
Haircut: Dhs25 Shave: Dhs15
On an emotional par with a boardroom, with industrial tubs of radioactive-looking styling gel arranged in the window. The faux tortoiseshell chairs do little to lift the aesthetic appeal, though a bright interior and flat screen TV (showing Arabian music videos) are both plus points. A range of massage and waxing treatments are also available, though on our visit, communication was a problem.
Wet V Dry
Delivering the final verdict on shaving technique.
Dil Shad Hairdresser Saloon
Satwa Road, Tel: (04) 3325378
Haircut: Dhs15 Shave: Dhs10
There’s nothing quite so affirming as pulling up to the barbershop with a few weeks’ growth and asking a shifty bloke to hack at it with a cutthroat. Minutes later, you’ll rejoin the world with the unshakeable confidence of a man who’s just exposed his neck to a razor-wielding stranger and lived. At Dil Shad I was in good (read: steady) hands, which lathered me up with a foaming badger brush before shaving me back to 12 years old. A sprinkling of Tibet Snow, a quick rub with some Nivea afterbalm and a subtle trim of the nostrils later, I was back on the street – minus beard, minus itch and minus fear. PS
Dilshad Hairdresser
Satwa Road, Tel: (04) 3311845
Haircut: Dhs15 Shave: Dhs10
When a shave leaves you needing to dash into the nearest grocery store for a drink just to soothe your skin on the icy can, you know you’ve been Tangoed. The dry shave is only for those with excessively oily, completely desensitised skin. I was rubbed down with an oily water before the razor was raked across my stubble. My tingling face was wiped, then smothered in talc. Then the watery solution came out again and an electric razor trod the same path as its archaic predecessor. Irritation turned to intense burning, worsened by a generous splash of Old Spice. I left feeling slightly violated. JF
How to shave
Did you learn to shave in a poorly lit bathroom, cutting your face to ribbons with your mother’s underarm razor? If so, you probably have no idea how to shave properly. Cue What’s On’s step-by-step guide to successful shaving.
- 1. Soften the beard with a warm, damp cloth, ideally for a few minutes.
- 2. Fill the basin halfway with warm water and make sure you have a sharp blade. A double-blade razor gives a closer shave than a single blade but is harsher on your skin so experiment to see what you prefer.
- 3. Apply a generous, even layer of shaving cream or shaving oil, rubbing with a circular motion.
- 4. Shave downward from your sideburns towards your jaw using light but firm pressure and pulling your skin taut before each stroke.
- 5. Rinse the razor with warm water after every stroke or two.
- 6. Shave your chin, moving the blade upward as required to get the areas as smooth as possible.
- 7. Shave under the chin pulling the razor from your throat area towards the chin.
- 8. Shave the upper lip. Keep the skin taut by curling your top lip over your front teeth.
- 9. Wash off excess shaving cream and check for stray hairs. The edge of the jaw, around the ears and near the lips and nostrils are prime spots for stragglers. Lop off any missed hairs with your razor.
- 10. Drain and wash out the basin (especially if you’re married) and apply cold water to close the pores. Give yourself a splash with a sexy aftershave if desired.
A little more conversation
Missing the mirthful musings of mane-cutters? What’s On finds a chatty gents’ stylist.
Just what is it that makes the world of hairdressing such a sunny place? There is no other profession whose members can ask their clients if they’re “going anywhere nice on holiday” with such chirpy enthusiasm 400 times a week. But, for some of us, that casual, non-commital banter held through the looking-glass is a comforting reassurance when the man you’ve got your back to is brandishing a pair of shears next to your left ear. Barbers have become the anonymous targets for confessional chatter, prosaic anecdotes, bad jokes and worldly observations. Until, that is, you move to the UAE, where for reasons of geography and language, it’s all too common to find that you can barely either communicate the type of hairstyle you’d like to leave with, or you have so few common points of interest as to make casual banter a struggle. Enter Julian, a place where the homesick hirsuite male can get his locks trimmed while having a good natter – because all of the barbers are English.
The personable scissorsmiths of this quietly modern salon are no slouches when it comes to trimming hair, either. On our visit, both of the tonsorial artists present (there are three in total) were sporting the sort of cut favoured by the folicularly-challenged gentleman, but nonetheless delivered a grade-A bespoke wash and cut job with a side order of chirpy banter and lashings of good products, all for a relatively measly Dhs90.
It’s also nice not to be seen by pedestrian rubberneckers while sporting the mid-cut bathtub mohawk and that has been astutely remedied at Julian... Hats off.
Julian, Village Mall, Jumeirah Beach Road, Dubai. Tel: (04) 3449006.
Tonsorial trivia
Because this metrosexual thing is no recent phenomenon.
- Cavemen used tweezers made from seashells to pluck body hair.
- Alexander the Great refused to enter into battle with a five o’clock shadow.
- Roman baths weren’t just for bathing and grooming. They were also used for important business and political discussions.
- Barbers originally performed surgical and dental procedures as well as grooming. The red-and-white barbershop pole symbolises blood and bandages. Non-grooming tasks performed by barbers included tooth extraction, wound stitching, bloodletting (using blades and leeches) and enemas.
- The medical name for razor bumps is pseudofolliculitis barbae.
- Some barbershops sported blue-and-white poles. This meant the barber was not qualified to perform surgery – except for tooth extraction and bloodletting.
- In 400BC, the fashion for Indian men was a neatly trimmed beard but all (and we mean all) body hair was removed.
- Young Roman men were required to have their first shave by the age of 21. It was quite the occasion with a party thrown, gifts given and all the novice shaver’s mates would come over to watch. Tremendous.
- In the mid-to-late 1700s, it was the trend of upper class European men and women to remove eyebrows completely and wear stick-on brows made of mouse skin.
- Wealthy Romans would be shaved by a live-in manservant.
Hairy stats
- Men spend an average of five months of their life shaving.
- The average man will shave approximately 20,000 times in his lifetime.
- The world record for head shaving is 228 heads in four hours by five stylists.
- The longest recorded beard on a living male was measured in 1997.
- India’s Shamsher Singh’s beard was 1.83m long.
- The longest beard ever was discovered on the dead body of Norway’s Hans Langseth in 1927. It measured 5.33m and was presented to the Smithsonian institute in Washing DC in 1967.
- The average beard grows 14cm per year.
- In his lifetime, a clean-shaven man will shave away nearly 3.5kg of whiskers.
- The earliest razors discovered date back to around 30,000BC and were sharpened flints.
- The first safety razor was patented in 1880 in the US by the Kampfe brothers.
- When Gilette first sold mass market disposable safety razors in 1903, annual sales were 51 razors and 168 blades.
- By 1904, Gilette’s annual sales skyrocketed to 90,000 razors and 123,000 blades.
Spa wars
1847 has ruled the roost for male only treatments until now. What’s On pits it against its new neighbour, H2O.
H2O
No one in their right mind forks out Dhs300 an hour to breathe oxygen. Without it, every plant and animal dies, so one does resent having to pay for it, to say the least. It’s like asking a fish to pay for water.
Nevertheless, I’m assigned to the task of finding out what the appeal of paying for this ubiquitous element is, and I’ve booked in for a rub too, just in case the ‘signature’ Oxygen Lounge at H2O is a waste of time.
In the treatment room I’m asked whether I need to relax my mind, my body or my nerves. I take all three, and lay down on the slab while a chap called Aaron rearranges my muscles. And then, I fall asleep, only to wake an hour later in a different body – a much better one, at that.
Call me a cynic, but I had serious doubts about the next bit. I strap on the headset, popping the little nozzle underneath my nostrils. Someone presses some buttons on a sci-fi iron lung and tells me to breathe deeply. The massage chair kicks in, and I sit back to enjoy, er, breathing.
Half an hour and Dhs150 later, the machine clicks off. I get up, and sit back down again. A headrush? From oxygen? Who knew? I feel sprightly again after my soporific massage, not to mention a tad dizzy. In the sunlight outside, my mind hums with ideas. It’s good for hangovers and helps injuries, too. I feel a few early morning visits coming on already...
H2O The Male Spa, Emirates Towers, Dubai. Tel: (04) 3198181.
1847
I relax into a designer leather armchair to await the arrival of my freshly squeezed orange juice and linen-clad beautician. With both my hands dunked into a glass sink of soapy water and my feet gently placed into a basin on the floor, I’m reminded of playing Twister, but there’s plenty else going on to distract my attention, such as a Friends DVD.
A pair of large clippers were efficiently and skilfully used to remove the bulk of my bitten nails, while my cuticles were dealt with using a utensil which looked like it had come from an operating theatre.
The whole procedure is quick, efficient and relatively painless. It’s ideal for lads that lunch, but I’m a little surprised at just how short my nails are cut, which makes scratching hard. Feet, ankles, hands and forearms are finished off with a quick, strong massage, before my method of transport to the massage therapy suite – a pair of slippers – arrived.
“What pressure would you like sir?” I sized her up – she was tiny. “Strong please.” While I’m face down, the masseuse leaps, in true stealth-like Spiderman-style, onto the table and perches on my back.
She weighed nothing. But she had a death grip any superhero would be proud of. Shoulders, back and legs are all squeezed like a toothpaste tube before I’m flipped over for a second going-over. It‘s a strange combination of deep pain and pure ecstasy leaving my newly oiled skin in perfect condition and my muscles relaxed. I feel alive, if a little shocked. I’ll be opting for a ‘medium’ next time.
1847, Emirates Towers, Dubai. Tel: (04) 3301847.