Invasion of the gadgets
They are pointless, they will drive you outrageously crazy, and you’ll want to keep a hammer close at hand while playing with them, but the most annoying gadgets and toys on the market are surprisingly addictive, James Fryer says.
iZ
It’s the sort of thing you fear a small child getting their grubby, midget-sized hands on. Not just because you know that after hours and hours they will never tire of hearing the same infuriating noise a thousand times over, but also because you will want to hang onto this ingenious invention for your own sense of twisted enjoyment.
From the mastermind behind the now legendary, and equally annoying, Furby, comes the iZ (pronounced “is”) – an “interactive animatronic DJ and speaker”. Essentially, it’s a portable speaker for your MP3 player on one hand, and a semi-autonomous music maestro on the other. Just press the belly button control pad in the middle of his red, blue or green shiny body (depending on which colour you opt for, if not the whole family) and he’ll begin composing an array of loony tunes. And that’s where the fun starts...
Twisting iZ’s right ear will trigger one of seven toe-tapping rhythms while his left ear lets you to choose from seven melodies. A flickable alien-esque antennae on top of his head means you can add scratch-style sound effects such as “oh yeah”, and the volume and tempo are both tweaked via the main control pad. What you end up with is a seemingly endless array of, frankly, quite mental tunes that sound like a cross between the catchiness of Gorillaz and the dark sounds of Aphex Twin.
Switching from melody to melody, it’s almost as though the iZ is tuning into radio stations as you hear the crackle of “let’s go back to our phones”, and the Rainman of the toy world even sings a gibberish collection of words at random. While you wonder – and wince – at the mix of sounds he spews forth, his googly eyes bounce up and down and his nosecone lights up with psychedelic colours. Yes, it’s a treat to be sure.
If this all sounds like the most random toy ever conceived – that’s probably because it is. Albeit annoying and mindless in a Jar-Jar Binks kinda way, the nine-inch tall iZ is an iconic invention that may take its place on the shelves of toy history.
Crazy Frog
www.gadgetshop.com
More irritating than the Crazy Frog ringtone is the fact the grating melody made its creator Daniel Malmedahl a very, very rich man. The song even topped the charts and is now available as a toy that sings the infuriating “ring, ding, ding, d-d, ding, ding, ding, baaam, baaam, baaam, wheeee....”. You have been warned.
Hungry hippos
An oldie but a goodie. Henry, Harry, Homer and Happy are all hungry hippos. Your job is to help them get to their marble-sized food by pounding on their tails. Whoever ends up with the most marbles wins. The rattling noise that results has gone down in history as topping the scales of excruciation.
CubeWorld
www.firebox.com
More painful than Tamagotchi is Cube World. Each cube contains a pixelated stick man. ‘Play’ with your stick man by pressing a button, and if you stack cubes together and they’ll interact, jumping into each other’s screens. Ace.
TV-B-Gone
www.tvbgone.com
Imagine it’s a penalty shootout between England and Germany in the final of the 2006 FIFA World Cup, and Gareth Southgate (yes, we know he won’t really be there) is stepping up to the line. Then some smarty pants decides it would be hilarious to switch off the TV with the TV-B-Gone. This device was invented by Mitch Altman who wanted to spend more time away from the box. It’ll switch off any TV within 69 seconds through infrared pulses.
Talking stag
www.iwantoneofthose.com
Remember Billy Bass the talking fish? Now wall-mounted singing animals have stepped up to a new level. Buck can not only sing one of six songs on request including Sweet Home Alabama and Suspicious Minds, but will also talk and sing in your voice, moving his mouth and head in synch with your words. The lifelike stag has even appeared on the (also annoying) Big Brother TV show.
Chairs
www.firebox.com
When I was at school stacking chairs was a punishment. But now, reverse-Jenga fashion, it’s a nerve-testing game of skill. The aim is to stack your chairs before your opponent. Whoever topples the teetering tower loses. It’s made harder by the fact all of the chairs are slightly different in design.